Sunday, January 31, 2021

Gabor Mate on Early Stress, Lack of Control and Later Addictions



Adaptation to stresses in the early years will reflect in a relatively easy or hard way of managing stress in later life. One way of showing failure in this project…is the eventual falling under some later addictions.

 

If we can somehow feel able to be “emotionally safe”, we can activate our vulnerable state, which helps us learn to maximum capacity and thereby avoid the entrapment of addictions.

 

In this video Dr. Mate draws up the connections between early stress and later feelings of un-safety, which can and do lead to addictive-type behaviors (and later addictions) and other signs of being out of control…

 

When, through mindfulness activities, we start to feel again the early stresses that we have once experienced, we can then strive to re-nurture ourselves and in so doing, learn to master our false or pseudo cravings.

 

When we get clear about what true needs were not met, and absolutely feel that loss, our self-respect will increase and our corresponding need for artificial substances…will decrease. It’s all based in really getting in touch with yourself and building trust in your own self-healing powers.

 

It’s a thing to behold when the healing begins to work its own astonishing miracle on you!

 

Please contact me at: Averayugen@mail.com

 

1.      Jasonsays:

September 4, 2015 at 12:20

Addictions are hard things to get rid of for sure. If most people were honest with themselves, we are all addicted to something.

But usually it’s only the “visual or noticeable” addictions that people get put down for i.e. smoking, drinking, drugs, sex. And don’t get me wrong all of those in excess are bad, but heck even oxygen and water in excess can be bad for you too! lol

Many times, it’s the addictions that are not “noticeable” to most people that can be the most harmful i.e. shopping, eating, porn, money, status, vanity, the list is long and distinguished.

Either way, I, believe when someone has an addiction, they need to ask themselves, what is it that I am trying to fill? What is the reason behind the addiction?

And like you said, the more you know yourself the better you are able to recognize when you start to go down an addictive pathway.

I really appreciate your website. Many people don’t find help with the above because they are scared to be judged when they talk to others about it.

By having this website, it can help folks get on the right track and not feel like they are all alone.

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1.      Avera Yugensays:

September 4, 2015 at 13:56

Thank you Jason. Seems like you appreciate how isolating it is to have an addiction and a desire to get better and no way to get help respectfully. By that I mean with NO judgment and no shaming and no insinuation re: character flaws etc…..

I wish more people could understand that when we act out or grab artificial pacifiers it is because we still have needs waiting to be met…..

Best to you always and thanks again!

Avera

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1.      Patricia Senwelosays:

August 23, 2015 at 04:23

Hi

I think your site is beautiful just like its name says. Its informative. I also like the idea of your own testimony. Its touching and you find yourself reading on. It makes people realise that its possible to quit smoking. I used to drink alcohol excessively. I stopped in 2006. You are right, decition making is of great importance. On my case it was a spiritual process. I thank God for it. Thanks again ad you are offering yourself , continue doing that. Best wishes.

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1.      Avera Yugensays:

August 23, 2015 at 04:30

Thank you for that Patricia! Your words are awesome to see and it makes me want to push ahead and work even harder on this site. It really is very special to me doing this work. I quit in 1989 and all these years I have wanted to do this project and have been thinking the whole time about all the related issues Every addiction involves not getting our real needs met and when we finally see the truth of that, it becomes MUCH easier to quit. Congratulations on your success in 06 and may you always continue on the long road to greater and more fulfilling self-development.
Warmly,
Avera

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1.      Cathysays:

August 5, 2015 at 22:35

Hi there Avera,

I used to let stress pulled me down and make me depressed for the longest of time. I experiment with different methods – sports, food, entertainment – to make me feel better, but they were only temporary and in fact they made me worse because like you said, I got addicted to a few things that I think were non-productive to my life.

Somehow, I discovered entrepreneurship and it helped me to develop the habit of staying focus. That changes everything. I am letting positive thoughts in control over my tumultuous emotion and I am feeling so much better.

Thanks to my stress factors, I think I have found a new direction in life

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1.      Avera Yugensays:

August 12, 2015 at 18:38

Hi Cathy,

That is a terrific remark and it puts a smile on my face! You are the best example of people turning things around and utilizing their strengths to do it!

The strength required to overcome addictions is the basic strength of character we all seek to build as youngsters. We continue to build on it all our lives. There is so much in life to remind us of the health and balance already there waiting for us to jump in and enjoy!

Thank you again for sharing your experience and philosophy ;=)

I am so glad you are learning how to de-stress and move better with the many surprising bumps and dips of life!

Avera

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1.      Angelsays:

July 21, 2015 at 07:31

Dear Avera,

When I am stressed out, I go for desserts because stressed spelled backwards is desserts. If something gets me down, I grab for something sweet to make a situation that was bitter to turn out better. Having too much stress is never a good thing as it can lead to negative thinking, play out different scenarios of what could have been, and let someone dive down deep into the heart of depression. To relieve stress, one must first identify what the problem is that caused one to feel stressed and think of something they pursue enjoying to numb the stress out of them and make them feel more calm and relaxed.
At least that is how I try to manage myself when I feel down for the count.

~Angel

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1.      Avera Yugensays:

July 21, 2015 at 12:38

Hi Angel,
Don’t forget, it’s normal to want to self-soothe, but only if the reward doesn’t end up “owning” us. Sugar, like any other rewarding substance, can also be such a trap.
It’s good you know that and are going through the work of making our own behavior patterns more clear to yourself.

And thanks again for caring about my work and responding so engagingly to this post ;=)
Warmly,
Avera

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1.      HolisticJBsays:

July 19, 2015 at 14:46

as a reformed smoker i find you site excellent. Very honest, very forthright and also right elements of humour. I know i needed something like this when i gave up. A 2perday day habit turned into 40 a day and the giving up was a nightmare.
thank for delivering awesome content that helps people free themselves of this destructive habit
all luck to you

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1.      Avera Yugensays:

July 19, 2015 at 18:23

Hi there and thank you for the great remark Holistic! It is awesome human beings like you I made this site for, so I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Also I wish many others who are still struggling to have all the personal support they need. That is, I am convinced, the key to getting over something like this. Maybe you too can help some friends who are trying to quit ;=)

Warmly, Avera

 

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